It’s almost 11 pm on a Sunday night. I should have been in bed, asleep, half an hour ago. But here I am, typing away at my computer, trying to sort through my mountain of emotion. At least I’m under the covers.
Tomorrow starts my last week as a graduate assistant at CREP. CREP has been my home away from home for the past two years. I’ve developed friendships and discovered I like educational research while I was there. It’s where I learned to how to REALLY write a report, how research is REALLY done in the real world. It’s the place where I park my Wonder Woman coffee mug, my piles of trinkets I’ve collected over the years that were gifts from colleagues and friends who have traveled. It’s where I’ve spent hours talking with co-workers about everything – from the state of U.S. education today to funny cat videos. I’ve laughed, cried, eaten, and studied at this place.
I don’t do change well.
Change is what’s a-comin’, though. I start a new phase of my life on Friday. I’m already breaking my own rule for posting about this, but I feel it necessary. Our clinical teaching orientation will take most of the day. The next week will involve shadowing my mentor teacher during in-service and the week after, I begin my adventure as a student teacher, at the end of which (hopefully!) I will graduate with my master’s degree. I’ll be the first in my family to get a master’s. It’s something I feel very proud of and at the same time, I’m scared poopless. I’m not going to lie, edTPA makes me nervous. I’m trying to be as prepared as I can be, but I still feel as if I’m getting ready to jump down a rabbit hole with no lifeline to pull me back up.
This is where the rubber meets the road, as the idiom so eloquently puts it. Everything I’ve learned up to this point, my passion for English Literature, my knowledge of writing effectively, the teaching skills I’ve learned, all the psychology I’ve had crammed in my brain will be put to the test for the next few months. And at the end of those few months, if I am deemed worthy, I will be awarded with a diploma and the freedom to apply for my teaching license.
I posted a lovely prayer last night and as I wrap up my blog post, I feel it is a fitting ending and one that I will be returning to many times over the next several weeks.
“It is night after a long day. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be.” ~ A New Zealand Prayer Book