Making the Darkness Conscious

Someone once observed how I was able to self-reflect, how I can take a horrible situation and pick it apart, peeling back the painful layers of sadness, guilt, anger, and despair and analyzing each one. Why am I feeling this particular emotion? Can I do anything about it? Have I felt it before? What does... Continue Reading →

Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras is winding down and it’ll soon be time for Lent. It's almost impossible to believe that in a week and a half, it’ll have been a year since Bryan died. He traveled to the other side the day after Ash Wednesday. It’s strangely poetic. This time last year, we were in our 22nd... Continue Reading →

Counting Down

One of my favorite things to do has always been to count down to something - graduation, holidays, whatever. I haven't felt much like counting down to anything this past year, but as I've been finding my way back into the world, I'm starting to look forward to things again. This is my last quiet... Continue Reading →

Forbidden Memories

A few weeks ago, I had blogged about memories popping into my head from our hospital stay back in February. It was a long, brutal, emotional month and in the days following Bryan's death, those memories would creep into my mind threatening to consume me. I would slam the door in their face. I wasn't... Continue Reading →

65 Roses

A couple of years before Bryan was born, a little 4-year-old overheard his mother talking on the phone about Cystic Fibrosis. His young brain heard "65 roses". That marked the beginning of the unconventional nickname for the disease that ultimately took Bryan's life. Today, I got that rose tattooed on my right arm as a... Continue Reading →

My Space

No matter how dark my little world gets as I’m slowly healing, I love to see the bright things in my world. My latest little bright spot is my new place. I can never just simply move into a place and live in isolation. I like to know what’s going on. Who are my neighbors?... Continue Reading →

Grief Has a Curveball

Just when you think you have grief somewhat figured out, it throws you a curveball. I don’t consider myself a delicate person who has to be sheltered from life. Grief, however, lowers that tough girl bar level WAY down. Like you’re one of the two last people in the roller skating limbo game and the... Continue Reading →

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