Weekend at Bernie’s

Lazy Saturday mornings are the best. I can fix pancakes without having to wolf it down and dashing out the door for work. I can drink mimosas without guilt because drinking champagne during the work day is frowned upon in the U.S. I throw some strawberries in there so technically, a mimosa is a vehicle... Continue Reading →

Why I Wear a Mask

When Bryan was fitted with the transfer set as part of the peritoneal dialysis process, we would both wear a blue mask and wash our hands (I sang happy birthday twice - every time) before attempting to clean the transfer set and/or open it for the dialysis bag hookup and detachment. We did this EVERY.... Continue Reading →

The Gap Closes Quickly

I was flipping through my Facebook memories this morning and came across a photo I had posted of a bottle of wine. I didn't recognize the counter in the background for a minute. Then it hit me: it was the counter at my rental condo from a year ago, the first place I moved into... Continue Reading →

Worry-Wart Widow

Sometimes my blog posts resemble more of a steady stream of consciousness than a coherent piece of writing. This blog post is something like that. I spent a lot of time thinking about COVID-19 and Bryan today. I wondered what he would have done in the middle of all this if he were still alive.... Continue Reading →

Making the Darkness Conscious

Someone once observed how I was able to self-reflect, how I can take a horrible situation and pick it apart, peeling back the painful layers of sadness, guilt, anger, and despair and analyzing each one. Why am I feeling this particular emotion? Can I do anything about it? Have I felt it before? What does... Continue Reading →

Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras is winding down and it’ll soon be time for Lent. It's almost impossible to believe that in a week and a half, it’ll have been a year since Bryan died. He traveled to the other side the day after Ash Wednesday. It’s strangely poetic. This time last year, we were in our 22nd... Continue Reading →

Counting Down

One of my favorite things to do has always been to count down to something - graduation, holidays, whatever. I haven't felt much like counting down to anything this past year, but as I've been finding my way back into the world, I'm starting to look forward to things again. This is my last quiet... Continue Reading →

Forbidden Memories

A few weeks ago, I had blogged about memories popping into my head from our hospital stay back in February. It was a long, brutal, emotional month and in the days following Bryan's death, those memories would creep into my mind threatening to consume me. I would slam the door in their face. I wasn't... Continue Reading →

65 Roses

A couple of years before Bryan was born, a little 4-year-old overheard his mother talking on the phone about Cystic Fibrosis. His young brain heard "65 roses". That marked the beginning of the unconventional nickname for the disease that ultimately took Bryan's life. Today, I got that rose tattooed on my right arm as a... Continue Reading →

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