Grief Feels Like Fear

Father Bob passed away this week and it’s brought back so many emotions that I have to do what I always do in order to sort them all out – I journal. Father Bob married Bryan and me. He officiated his funeral. And in between those times, we shared conversations, jokes, laughter, tears. Bryan has... Continue Reading →

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Hello, Grief, My Old Friend

You would think that after 3-1/2 years of living in the condo that I would have finally gotten all the little miscellaneous Bryan things sorted. I was going through my buffet, pulling out Halloween party things to properly pack away in my Halloween bins and came across two golfing gift cards that had been given... Continue Reading →

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The Quiet Moments

I found this graphic today from @hopeforwidows on Instagram and it really has grabbed me. It’s been four years and four months as of July 7th of this year. It feels as if it’s been forever, but at the same time, it feels as though it just happened. As always, I use this blog to... Continue Reading →

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Frozen in Time

This was the last photo ever taken of me and Bryan together before he went into the hospital for the last time. It was taken on December 24th, 2018, the Christmas Eve service at Saint John’s Episcopal. That night has been a bit lost in the haze of old memories. If I had to guess,... Continue Reading →

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Navigating Fall

I haven't blogged in a while and I miss it. I feel like it's a muscle that I've allowed to atrophy and even now, I'm struggling to find the words to type. October is a rough month. It's my favorite month and my least favorite at the same time. Fall break is going to be... Continue Reading →

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Mourner’s Kaddish

Last year, I started going through A Mourner’s Kaddish Companion, a Jewish method of dealing with grief. I haven’t done it daily. It’s been hit or miss as I’ve dealt with all the messiness of grieving. But I picked it back up recently and it’s really been helpful. That whole five stages of grief is... Continue Reading →

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Weird Widow Milestones

I crossed a bit of a milestone last month. June 7th marked the day that Bryan will have been gone for the same amount of time that I was with him when he was alive. It’s a weird milestone. I’m not even sure how healthy it was to have even acknowledged that date, but that's... Continue Reading →

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Do They Have Golf Carts in Heaven?

It’s been three years and you would think that I would have gotten rid of the things of Bryan’s that traditionally would have been just junk. Like his wallet. It’s been tucked away this whole time while I’ve moved to two new places. Its last home was in my desk. I had thrown it in... Continue Reading →

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Maundy Thursday

One of the lovely things about being an Episcopalian is being part of a group that has traditions going back hundreds and hundreds of years. I’ve enjoyed the rites performed at our services and take great comfort is knowing that what I’m doing is being done by others all over the world. Christ commanded that... Continue Reading →

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