Where the Scary Things Hide

Humor is my therapy. When things get a little pear-shaped, I try to find humor in the situation. I was able to do that most of the time last year when I was trying to deal with Bryan’s death. With humor, I built hope for 2020 – the year I would be traveling, the year... Continue Reading →

Worry-Wart Widow

Sometimes my blog posts resemble more of a steady stream of consciousness than a coherent piece of writing. This blog post is something like that. I spent a lot of time thinking about COVID-19 and Bryan today. I wondered what he would have done in the middle of all this if he were still alive.... Continue Reading →

Making the Darkness Conscious

Someone once observed how I was able to self-reflect, how I can take a horrible situation and pick it apart, peeling back the painful layers of sadness, guilt, anger, and despair and analyzing each one. Why am I feeling this particular emotion? Can I do anything about it? Have I felt it before? What does... Continue Reading →

Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras is winding down and it’ll soon be time for Lent. It's almost impossible to believe that in a week and a half, it’ll have been a year since Bryan died. He traveled to the other side the day after Ash Wednesday. It’s strangely poetic. This time last year, we were in our 22nd... Continue Reading →

Visiting the Grave

I have to preface the picture below. One of the things I'm learning as a widow is how to put flowers on a grave. It’s not a simple matter. I can't just stick some flowers in the built-in vase (after I spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to turn the thing over) because... Continue Reading →

Counting Down

One of my favorite things to do has always been to count down to something - graduation, holidays, whatever. I haven't felt much like counting down to anything this past year, but as I've been finding my way back into the world, I'm starting to look forward to things again. This is my last quiet... Continue Reading →

The North Wind is Blowing

I’m closing on the first place of my own in two weeks. Most people would be ecstatic. I’m feeling a little panicked. Buying a place provides me with roots and suggests permanency. I've been an unintentional gypsy for so many years that when the north wind blows, I follow it. Renting has made that a... Continue Reading →

The Terrifying Blank Page

I mentioned last night that I wasn’t going to write down any New Year’s Resolutions this year. I started thinking about that this morning, trying to figure out why I just didn’t want to make my list as I do every year. I believe there’s sometimes a certain level of anxiety when making New Year’s... Continue Reading →

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